Woke up feeling heavy, meditated then cleaned, waiting to find the motivation to exercise but then I had an idea, why don’t I just write my thoughts out. Words keep coming to me, sentences keep flowing and it’s telling me that, ‘No man is an Island, no man stands alone,’ but then I added, ‘Put me on an Island and I’ll make it my home.’
I’m focused and I’m constantly working in my head, planning and executing all the preliminary things that have to get done before the coloring of the picture begins, but what does it seem like I’m doing in reality? Does it seem like I’m slacking off? Doing nothing? What am I showing unconsciously?
I’ve planned and planned and now I wait, I’m impatient and I don’t like waiting but what if it’s for a good reason? I do deserve at least one thing, don’t I?
I lack the skill, I’m only a novice but I have the creativity to make what’s in my head come alive. I want to spread love and joy where ever I go but how do I do that when I feel the opposite?
Free my mind from the deadly thoughts, free my spirit from its mental chains, I want to live and be free, free in the sense that I only answer to me. Is anyone truly free? Can it actually be achieved?
What is the difference between you and me? Do you channel your sadness or just ignore it completely?
I can’t ignore the hole inside my heart, the black hole in my soul, I can no longer use people as a distraction to make me happy; No one else can make me feel at peace but me. Coming face to face with my true self has taught me that I’ve always sacrificed myself for other people’s happiness and then leech off that happiness in order to create my own. Every blood gets sucked dry, every body dries up and dies, I live on searching for my next prey, it’s time this vicious cycle end. I will be true to myself, I will love all my flaws no matter how much it bothers me, I will become the person I know that I can be which is strong and truly happy. This is my declaration to be free, this time I’m living for me.